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The Onion: Man needs two trips to complete GoW

We just received some breaking news from The Onion. They are reporting that Pennsylvania resident Ronald Franks only needs two more trips to Best Buy to complete the Gears of War campaign. Ronald has been bringing his memory card to the retailer for the past three weeks and feels that he can beat the game in a few more trips. Though, he says that when he gets to the final boss he'll "probably take a personal day to defeat RAAM". We wish Mr. Franks the best of luck in his quest to complete Gears and hope his Barnes & Noble copying trips are just as successful. Where would we be without hard hitting news like this?

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1. ROFL! Knowing the way the world works he's gonna go in the store to defeat RAAM and wouldn't ya know it they switched the display console's game from Gears of War to Viva Pinata. Oh man it would be sweet to see him go AWOL on everyone.

Posted at 3:02AM on Feb 7th 2007 by Phazzer

2. How dare this man NOT buy this game?!! But, i admire his strong will to be cheap and to play GoW without fail. You, sir, are a COG. Anyway, whats the next big game to come out?

Posted at 3:04AM on Feb 7th 2007 by kered

3. HAHAHA! Yeah he would turn into the Hulk immediately! But, it would make him buy the game instead of freeloading off of Best Buy!

Posted at 3:07AM on Feb 7th 2007 by kered

4. Ah, the perks of frugality...

Posted at 3:12AM on Feb 7th 2007 by Trauts

5. lol...awesome...seein him go nuts would be

altho once they see this...they will probably change the display LOL

Posted at 3:26AM on Feb 7th 2007 by DjDATZ

6. Ehhh... As hard as I try I just can't seem to notice any irony in the posts above.
Y'all are aware that the Onion is 100% fake, right?

If not, then check out a couple of God's press conferences:

I love GOW, though. :)

Posted at 3:36AM on Feb 7th 2007 by Johan

7. i feel really stupid. thanks Johan. LOL

i also couldn't help but notice the store name in this post is "Best Best" and not Best Buy. But i guess a mistake like that is acceptable when you post an article at 2:45am. lol

Posted at 4:19AM on Feb 7th 2007 by DjDATZ

8. Yeah I'm pretty sure you meant "Best Buy" rather than Best Best. Thought you knew something I didn't.

Posted at 5:19AM on Feb 7th 2007 by Wendell Broussard

9. Wow, at least *somebody* pointed out that the Onion is a satire paper. Phew! I loved this one when I read it though...

Posted at 5:19AM on Feb 7th 2007 by Ryan Waddell

10. When I worked in a gamestore there was this guy who had a psone memorycard (third party with tons of space) but didnt have the console himself. Almost every day he came to the shop and plyed games and saved his progress. nomatter what game was on.

Posted at 5:49AM on Feb 7th 2007 by Polar

11. *completely understands satirical nature of the onion* he's probably too young to buy the game ... so he goes and plays it in public

Posted at 6:15AM on Feb 7th 2007 by colin

12. A blog post on The Onion. Hoolarious.

If I were X360fanboy I would remove this post right now just so people don't laugh at them even more.

Posted at 7:16AM on Feb 7th 2007 by TheH2s

13. Like Johan, I am struggling to find any sarcasm in the post and the first few comments (though I wasn't up at 3:36am like Johan to clear it up).

The Onion is, of course, satire (and hilarious satire at that). 100% fake. In other words, this wasn't supposed to be "hard hitting news" - it was a joke.

Posted at 7:21AM on Feb 7th 2007 by Tim Marman

14. Glad you all think that this is true news.

Posted at 7:29AM on Feb 7th 2007 by Justin U

15. Reading through the comments, I kinda thought people were all playing along with the story *as if* it were real. I can't believe by today that people still don't know what the Onion is.

Posted at 7:55AM on Feb 7th 2007 by Saccia

16. One of my friends worked in a computer retail store a while back and they had a 360 set up to a 42" screen. I could have gone there and played all I wanted I suppose, but the game they had on was Need for Speed Most Wanted (which I had already played enough at home), and they used the composite cable for the hookup, and the console was a Core with no memory.

So it could be possible, if you have friends that work at the store.

Posted at 8:19AM on Feb 7th 2007 by SlyEcho

17. i've personally never heard of the onion...but i think thats because its geared towards a US audience...and i live and breathe canada.

i'll admit tho...i did think this was true...seemed like a stupid thing to do...but still believable.

and i do feel stupid for believing it. lol

Posted at 8:29AM on Feb 7th 2007 by DjDATZ

18. Thats hilarious!

Posted at 9:47AM on Feb 7th 2007 by SmartriX

19. I have one tip, get a friend to help u beat the last boss or the entire game itself!!

Posted at 10:00AM on Feb 7th 2007 by jules c

20. "The Onion is, of course, satire (and hilarious satire at that). 100% fake. In other words, this wasn't supposed to be "hard hitting news" - it was a joke."

Tim gets a cookie :)

Posted at 11:15AM on Feb 7th 2007 by Richard Mitchell

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