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Posts with tag zero-punctuation

Behold the Zero Punctuation Too Human review

Just when we all thought that the lumbering storm cloud that washed Too Human's existence with unrestrained negativity (or "mixed" positivity, depending on how you look at it), we remembered something: Zero Punctuation. As a man who loves to hate, we imagine there was no way Yahtzee would pass up a game like Too Human. It is, in his opinion, universally bad and apparently has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. To anyone who enjoys the game (frankly, we've been a bit addicted), you have been warned. Everyone else, find the review after the break.

Continue reading Behold the Zero Punctuation Too Human review

Zero Punctuation tangles with Braid

The latest Zero Punctuation tackles the time bending XBLA title, Braid. Yahtzee's opinion is somewhat mixed, taking note of the well designed puzzles but also noting that the game reused certain puzzles and that some puzzles require players to restart a level if failed, which Yahtzee describes as a "dick move." Another complaint is leveled at the story, which the review cites as pretentious and unnecessarily confusing. Overall though, the gameplay seems to triumph over any flaws. Check out the video after the break (NSFW due to language).

Continue reading Zero Punctuation tangles with Braid

Zero Punctuation vs. Oblivion [Update]

Update: We're experiencing issues with the embedded video player from The Escapist. To watch the video you can click through to Zero Punctuation's section of The Escapist site by clicking the image above.

Zero Punctuation has decided to reach into a bag marked, "Games History Deemed Better Than Life" to find out exactly what the appeal is. Victim number one is everyone's favorite open world role-playing game, The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. From Bethesda, the guys working on the upcoming Fallout 3, Oblivion takes players on an epic adventure that Yahtzee suspects is really just a poor copy and paste extravaganza. Of course, the video is NSFW and can be found after the jump.

Zero Punctuation visits Liberty City

Yahtzee's latest Zero Punctuation review this week is none other than everyone's favorite crime simulator, Grand Theft Auto IV. While he (of course) does his best to pick the game's fault apart one by one, Yahtzee still comes across as actually liking the game. Fans of ZP will know that this is high praise indeed (though we imagine it will still spark nasty, hate-filled emails from GTA fanboys). As for the negatives, the review makes note of wonky driving, escort missions, and the constant need to entertain Niko's friends. Beyond such criticisms though, the review deigns to call Grand Theft Auto IV "really good." Find the review embedded after the break.

[Thanks, webster1990]

Continue reading Zero Punctuation visits Liberty City

Zero Punctuation likes half of Condemned 2

So, anyone out there play Indigo Prophecy (known as Fahrenheit in Europe)? You remember how about halfway through everything got really stupid? Remember how all the intriguing elements gave way to a ridiculous plot? If not, you could always pick it up on Xbox Originals and find out. Anyway, if Yahtzee (of Zero Punctuation fame) is to be believed, Condemned 2: Bloodshot suffers from Indigo Prophecy syndrome. In other words, it's a great game ... right up until the halfway point. Find out exactly what went wrong after the break (as usual, this week's Zero Punctuation video is NSFW).

Continue reading Zero Punctuation likes half of Condemned 2

Zero Punctuation: Army of Two is ripped a new one

This week in the land of sarcastic game reviews with few pauses, Yahtzee targets the recently released Army of Two. Choosing to firmly grasp the obvious humor immediately, the review starts of with the expected bromance jokes, and then moves to the horribly cliched story, the poor AI and the lack of QA. As is custom with Zero Punctuation, there is substance behind the speed, and Yahtzee touches on some important gameplay and genre topics. But hey you don't listen to Zero Punctuation for the quality analysis, but rather the quality humor. As is the case with Zero Punctuation, the video can be found after the break, and is not safe for those of you at work.

Continue reading Zero Punctuation: Army of Two is ripped a new one

Zero Punctuation attacks Turok and FPS problems

It would be fair to say that Zero Punctuation attacks each of his subjects in the same manner in which Family Guy executes flashback sequences, with ridiculous comparison. This week is no different as Yahtzee tackles the latest in the Turok series ... uh, Turok. However, possibly to save his own sanity, Yahtzee decides to call out Turok by way of juxtaposition and list off all the elements developers have used to death in every other generic first-person shooter. Things like, zooming into the back of a characters head to show we're controlling them.

This week's very NSFW video can be found after the jump, and we do this so you can heed our warning. Halo fans, you might want to grab a brown paper lunchbag and breathe because Yahtzee doesn't look favorably on your favorite franchise. But hey, it's all in good fun right? Right? Run Yahtzee, run!!!

Continue reading Zero Punctuation attacks Turok and FPS problems

Zero Punctuation burns through Burnout Paradise

With his usual fast mouth and lack of any sort of restraint, Yahtzee of the Zero Punctuation reviews is back this week with a review of Burnout Paradise. He doesn't spend much time on the things that the fanboys were concerned with on forums; choosing instead to focus on the quirky aspects of the game and genre. Issues such as the nature of the street racer, the lack of human life, the mini-map and the design philosophy are all open to him ans he attacks with vigor. Now readers, don't forget that this is all for fun, if you disagree do your best to move on. He's ripped all of our favorite games a new one.

Zero Punctuation: Yahtzee cries about DMC4

Known for his withering opinions on popular titles, a gamer in Australia known as Yahtzee releases a new episode of his video reviews via The Escapist every Wednesday. Known as "Zero Punctuation" due to the lack of natural pauses and breathing, Yahtzee takes on games for the purpose of humor and sarcasm. This week his victim is Devil May Cry 4 and boy, does he make it weep. Touching on everything from anime conventions to unentertaining cinematics to the nature of the main characters and plot. Despite giving the game its due for fun and stylish combat, he finds a ridiculous amount of stuff that detracts from it (for him and his review anyway) and really takes the game to task for its retracing of steps and short length. As always, the humor is the highlight and if you disagree with his opinions, best to simply find what you can to be funny and move on. As a final parting note we leave you with this: Old Meat. Wasp+Spider+Slipknot+Gummy Bears.

Yahtzee showers praise on Call of Duty 4

As a general rule of thumb, it's usually a bad thing when Zero Punctuation reviews a game you like. The reason for this is quite simple: chances are that Yahtzee (ZP's fast talking, wisecracking host) is going to tear your favorite game a new one. If you happen to be a fan of Call of Duty 4, your wait is over. Call of Duty fans should have no fear, however, because Yahtzee has nary a bad thing to say about it all. As a matter of fact, he apparently loves it. We're currently fortifying the walls of Fanboy Towers for the oncoming flame war. You see, Yahtzee wasn't quite so kind to Halo 3. You may watch the extremely not safe for work review of Call of Duty 4 after the break.

Continue reading Yahtzee showers praise on Call of Duty 4

Zero Punctuation sets its sights on Mass Effect

It's frequently fitting that we begin Zero Punctuation related stories with a disclaimer, so here we go. If you a) love Mass Effect or b) have no sense of humor, you'd best turn around right now. This week, as you may have guessed, Yahtzee takes on BioWare's latest opus, Mass Effect. To put it succinctly, Mass Effect joins the likes of Guitar Hero III and Jericho. In other words, he's not a fan. His major beefs are the game's heavy amount of text and some less than great combat. You can find the video embedded after the break. It is, as usual, not safe for work.

Continue reading Zero Punctuation sets its sights on Mass Effect

Zero Punctuation smashes Guitar Hero III

Another week, another blistering Zero Punctuation review from our pal Yahtzee*. This week, the Brit expatriate takes on Guitar Hero III. The long and the short of it is that Yahtzee believes the game has simply ceased to be fun. More to the point, he says that anyone claiming to five star final songs on expert are simply "freaks." Yahtzee also shares our confusion as to why Clive Winston (our favorite character) was removed from the character roster. Honestly, it's probably best that you just watch the video rather than have us attempt to summarize it any further. Find it embedded after the break (incredibly NSFW, by the way).

*Yahtzee is not our pal. We doubt, in fact, that he is anyone's "pal".

Continue reading Zero Punctuation smashes Guitar Hero III

Zero Punctuation sorta likes Assassin's Creed

It's become something of a tradition at this point. If it's Wednesday, it's time for another Zero Punctuation review from The Escapist. Chances are, if it's a 360 review, we're going to feature it here. Why? Because they're damned funny and we need the relief. This week, Yahtzee takes a look at Assassin's Creed as the result of several viewers emailing him about how awful it is. Looks like their plan backfired though, because it turns out Yahtzee actually likes it. It's not perfect -- far from it, as Yahtzee puts it squarely in the bronze medal category -- but in the end even the crabbiest game reviewer on the planet tells reviewers to "give it a chance." Yeah, we're shocked, too. The review is definitely not safe for work, so we've embedded it after the break. Enjoy.

Continue reading Zero Punctuation sorta likes Assassin's Creed

Zero Punctuation lambasts Clive Barker's Jericho

Where would we be without Yahtzee and his infinitely entertaining Zero Punctuation reviews? Well, truthfully, we'd be in exactly the same place we are now, but we'd be somewhat less entertained. This week, Zero Punctuation takes on Clive Barker's Jericho and it's an absolute hate-fest. Seriously, ZP usually has a few "it's not that bad" moments, but not this week. If you like Jericho -- not very likely, looking at the statistics -- you'd best avert your gore-loving eyes. Us, we're just glad to have something to brighten up an otherwise dull Wednesday (seriously, did you try this week's XBLA games?).

Zero Punctuation joins the Portal love fest

This week Zero Punctuation reviews The Orange Box. While the review begins by concentrating on Half-Life 2: Episode 2, perhaps the most surprising bit concerns Portal, The Orange Box's mind bending puzzler. What's surprising is that Yahtzee positively adores the game (and hates himself for doing so). In fact, he likes the game so much he can't think of anything to criticize. Nothing. Even the short length of the title escapes his cynical clutches. Check out the (NSFW) review after the break.

Continue reading Zero Punctuation joins the Portal love fest

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